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Bereavement Support

Supporting you - our Bereavement Support Group

No matter how supportive your family and friends are, contact with another parent who has gone through a similar experience can be a source of great help in learning to live with the loss of a baby or babies and in overcoming the enormous sense of isolation parents can feel.  

The BSG has a team of volunteer befrienders who are all parents who have lost a baby or babies from a multiple birth pregnancy. Most befrienders have been befriended themselves and wish to help others in the same way. 

Please note that while befrienders offer parent to parent support they are not professional counsellors. 

If you wish to be put in contact with one of our befrienders, please let us have your name, address and telephone number and some details of your loss. Email the Support Services team.

Below is some feedback that has been received about our Bereavement Support Network

'I just wanted to take the time to thank you. I was very moved by talking to you. It was the first time in over 6 months since we lost Matt* that someone got me and truly empathised with regard to the pain of losing a twin, and I could really relate to many of the things you shared, it really did bring me great comfort to talk to you and I am fortunate that TAMBA and you run this service and you are willing to give so much to help others. You are doing amazing work, thank you for throwing me this lifeline.'

*names have been changed

The Tamba Bereavement Support Group Facebook Page

The Tamba Bereavement Facebook Page was formed to provide some support for parents who have suffered a loss of one or more multiple, either during pregnancy or post pregnancy.

All parents on this page are united in their sad loss and provide peer to peer support. Whether it be the loss of a twin, both twins, a triplet or all triplets or loss from a quad pregnancy this secret Facebook Group is a safe place where you can share with each other in a kind and respectful way. The loss of a child at any age has to be the toughest challenge any parent will ever meet. And as parents we would like to support you both in the early days and in later days and years. You are most welcome to post on the page but please be mindful that everyone on the page is at a different stage in their grief. The Facebook page is moderated, by selected Tamba staff and volunteer befrienders.  Entry to the group is via invitation only. To apply contact the Bereavement Support Team (Helen, Louise & Sharon)  by emailing support-team@tamba.org.uk

If you have any qestions about Facebook Group or Tamba BSG  you can email us at the Support Services team 

Our Twinline listeners are also available everyday 365 days a year between 10-1 and 1900-2200hrs on 0800 138 0509

Some of the facebook support group members explain how the group has helped: 

'On a bad day this lovely groups provide a lifeline. On a good day I try to provide one for others. Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone who understands what you have been through, what you are going through and what you have yet to face'

'Being part of this group reminds me that I am not alone in my grief and that I will always be a mummy to my boys'

'I find the support I have from this group a huge help. It really helps to know that I'm not alone and that there is a 'safety net' when I feel like I'm falling. It's nice to support others too on here when I'm feeling strong, we all help each other. I too was nervous to join the group in case it came up on my time line but of course it doesn't but am glad I did join even though I wish I didn't have to. No one judges and we're here for her and each other' 

Tamba BSG Befriending 

If you feel you would benefit from talking to someone please ask to be put in touch with our bereavement befriending coordinator, Sharon Darke.

Our befriending service can be accessed at any point on your journey through this tragic loss. In order to find you the most suitable befriender it is helpful if you can provide some details around your loss and the circumstances surrounding it.

Our befrienders are all mums who have lost babies or children that are multiples.  Please note Tamba BSG Befriending  is not counselling but peer to peer support. As a charity we do not offer counselling but we do encourage you to access whatever services your hospital may offer. Many hospitals have bereavement support counsellors which you can access at any point on your journey through your bereavement.

Please let us know if you'd like to access any of the above help. Even one conversation via Facebook, phone or email with someone who has been through similar circumstance can help. Click here to email.

A Personal Story of Befriending 

My identical twin girls died in December 2010 after battling Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome in utero. Although I accessed help from a professional counselling service it was the friendship I struck up with Sharon (my befriender) that got me through it.

The difference between counselling and befriending was that I felt there was no professional agenda – I wasn’t being managed through my grief, I was just allowed to talk. I called Sharon on good days and bad and she touched base with me regularly. I took great strength and courage from the fact that she had lost twins herself and it was good to be able to hear her experiences and relate them to my own. I felt she really knew and understood. 

 As well as calls, she would text regularly and intuitively, at just the right time to pick me up when I was in a dark place. I think it also helped that I had never met her and didn’t know what she looked like, yet she felt like my soulmate. Sometimes it was easier to talk and cry to someone you can’t see or who you won’t bump into on the street.

 In those early days I would speak to Sharon very frequently and nowadays our friendship has developed so that we speak mainly about other aspects of our lives that we have in common. We’ve even met up with our subsequent children and it was lovely then to put faces to the names we had talked about for years. Sharon will always be a part of my life, as I feel we share a special bond through our babies. I would recommend anyone who has suffered the loss of a baby to take up the lifeline that is befriending - it might just be the light that guides you through those dark days.

Helena, bereaved mother of  twin girls & member of Tamba BSG