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Raising twin toddlers? It's like an episode of Britain's Got Talent.

22nd February 2019


It's like the one-man-band:

This is the act where, because you have twin toddlers, you have to make creative use of other body parts: You move pushchairs along using a bad interpretation of a Michael Jackson hip thrust, as you grapple each protesting twin by the hand. You carry car keys in your teeth because, if you even attempt to hold a key AND a twin in the same hand, someone is going to get BADLY hurt. You use your armpits to carry everything- coats, dolls, wipes, the wine you've had to make an emergency pit stop for... EVERYTHING!!

It's like the dog act gone wrong:

You're at a toddler class, where your twins are required to follow instructions, but instead, they run off in opposite directions, HOWLING with laughter, refusing to respond to the totally unhealthy bribes you are frantically waggling in their direction. You try and make it look like you are in complete control, but actually have NO IDEA how you're going to catch them, let alone how you will ever get them to BOTH sit on command!

It's like the impressive dance act:

In a busy playground, realising twin one has escaped your grip and is about to be decapitated by a flying swing, you pirouette on the spot, jeté over the seesaw, and pick him up in a shoulder press lift. Then, realising twin two seized the chance to escape and is about to attempt a leap of faith off the top of the climbing frame, you quick step in the opposite direction, cha-cha around the child obstacles, and end the ‘routine’ with a knee slide, catching your child just in time. In the jubilation, NO ONE is injured you collapse in a heap, under the weight of two sweaty, wriggling toddlers.

It's like the grand finale operatic aria:

The odds are looking unfavourable; you have low expectations both twins will be in a good mood. Then, out of nowhere, when you least expect it, they give each other a BIG bear cuddle and a kiss, and then draw you in, giggling with undiluted delight as they exclaim, “lub oo, Mumma.”

In that moment, as the parenting gods press their golden buzzer and give you a standing ovation, you realise ploughing through all the less than perfect acts to experience this MAGICAL moment was MORE than worth it.

And you know, in the years to come, THIS is the act you will remember.

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